The Circle of Life

I took my kids fishing for their very first time just recently. My son had been begging me to take him so he could use his new pole that Grandma and Grandpa got him. My daughter received one too, so of course, she was ready to join in the experience.
I ran down the road and picked up my fishing license and a few supplies, and raced back to the cabin, knowing that both kids were overwhelmed with anticipation. We packed up our stuff. Worms. Tackle box. Poles. Basket. "Ready Dad?" "Ready Grandpa?" Off we went, the four of us side by side, walking down the worn gravel road next to the lake. We come to the little wooden dock behind the lodge, and the kids can't take it anymore. They run. Poles in hand, life jackets strapped around their chests, they climb up onto the dock and wait for me to catch up.  After an argument of who gets to put their worm on first, I get all three of us baited up and ready to go.
I start with my son, Tony. First I teach him how everything works. What to do when the bobber goes under. How you reel it in. The basics. After a 5 minute crash course and a quick game of 20 questions, we toss his line out into the water. And he waits.
Kaylee's turn. She's a couple years older, so of course, wants to do it all by herself. "WHACK!" She tries casting  out her line only to fail to release the button. The hook and bobber whip around in circles, crash against the metal railing of the dock, miss the side of my head by a mere 2 inches, and finally crash to the dock beneath us. "Oops," she says with a smile.  After another 5 minute crash course and a couple more questions she's finally ready to toss her line in the water. Just as she's tossing out her line I see Tony's bobber dive underwater and swim to the opposite shore. "Tony, reel it in!" shouts Grandpa. He gives it a quick jerk and reels as fast as his little hands can maneuver the reel. He pulls it up. A Bluegill. He looks at the fish, looks at me, and smiles. I don't know who was expressing more pride at that moment, him or myself. The look on his face after pulling in his first fish, will forever be engraved in the back of mind. "Good job son, Dad's proud of you."
Just as I'm taking the fish off his hook, I see Kaylee's bobber head towards the opposite shore. She of course is talking to the people next to her and trying to make sure she looks as cute as she possibly can. "Kaylee, reel it in.! She struggles at first, not exactly an athletic girl, but she tries hard. After a minute or so, she manages to pull in the fish. A bluegill. "Daddy, Look!"  Her first fish. I'm overwhelmed with emotion, trying not to show it, as there are other people fishing around us. My Dad moves over and helps her take off her fish. I watched. And remembered.   He taught me how to fish. The memories of fishing with my father are priceless to me, and to share that moment with him was more than I could ever ask for.
We fished for hours. The kids managed to catch quite a few more fish. In fact we filled the basket. Of course when it was time to clean the fish the kids were no where to be found. But that's ok. They did exactly what I wanted them to do. They had fun. I hope 20 years from now, when either of them are sitting on that dock with their kids, I can be there to watch. And I hope, they will always remember their first fish with Dad.
 The circle of life, will never cease to amaze me.

Motivation

It's something I've been lacking lately. It used to be a driving force in my life. I was always motivated. I wanted a promotion. I wanted to lose weight. I wanted a nicer car. I was motivated to be successful, and I did it. But something lately has taken over my mind and body. Call it laziness. Complacency. Maybe just boredom. But deep down in my soul, I've lost my motivation.  I've stopped going to the gym. In fact, lately looking in the mirror I've noticed I look like a tired, middle aged man with a beer gut. Not a 26 year old up and coming store manager with the largest drug store chain in the nation. I should be energized, confident, and happy. I feel bored.
I sit back and try to think of the things that used to motivate me. My kids. There is my motivation. Why isn't it enough lately? Why does even a trip to the park seem like a daunting task?
Fear of failure. I used to be terrified that I'd never get to where I wanted to be in life. Never be out of debt. Never drive a new car. Never be able to pay for the kids' college tuition.  I'm not even close to being able to do any of that right now, but I'm on the right track.
I'm bored. Not of my life, but the challenges. I have a gorgeous wife, 3 beautiful kids, and an amazing family that is always there for support. But I feel unchallenged. I'm complacent at work. "Same shit, different day." I hate being that guy. I'm supposed to be the leader there. I need more. I need to be told that I'm doing great. I need to be told that I need to improve. Something. I need a challenge.
At home I'm lazy. And Kristen if you are reading this I sincerely apologize for the past couple of weeks. I'm struggling, but I promise I will figure it out. I need a project at home. Something to get excited about. I think it's time to start on the garage. "The Man Cave."
I'm bored with myself. I need a change. Not a new hair color or new wardrobe. It's time to get in shape. Time to feel good about the guy looking back at me in the mirror. For so long it was easy to say, "maybe next week. I'll wait till I find someone to go with." So far all I've gotten from that is a larger waistline. It's time to find my own challenges. Materialistic motivation was good for the younger, immature, cocky 21 year old who first started out. 5 years later, and that stuff just doesn't get the job done. I have to stop whining.  It's time to blaze some trails. Time to find myself. Time, to get off my ass, and live.